Risk

For the longest time, I kept my mouth shut about the things that I thought.  When I realized that there was only like....one thing....that I could honestly see doing with my life, I also realized that, unfortunately, I'd have to stop doing that.  This thing....these questions I've been asking for more than half my life now, they don't go away.  They stay with me, and when I think I've found some diversion, some project that might take the place of them, they come back harder, louder, more impossible to ignore.

When I think about pursuing an advanced degree in philosophy, the thing that scares me the most is that  I'll have to defend this position, these beliefs I have, that are so damned unpopular.  I never feel smart enough, fast enough.  I don't want to be famous, I don't want notoriety.  I just want to figure this damned thing out.

But I know that that requires a certain degree of challenge.  It requires discussion, rebuttal. As much as it scares me, it requires discourse.

So I tried.  

Not in the best way, I'll admit, but I tried to point out some of the logical inconsistencies I saw in  groups that I would otherwise agree with.  Anarchists, say, who call for the banning of teaching creationism.  

I dared to say that possibly, there was a problem with simply banning an idea because you disagree with it.  And I lost a friend because of it.

And you know?

It wasn't as bad as I thought.

I was hurt, yes. Confused.  But instead of making me stop, it made me want to go further, to clarify this position so that the next time, maybe I can get through before the door gets slammed in my face.

I don't care if you don't agree with me, I just want to be able to have the discussion, because we have so fucking much to learn from each other.